1954830632

Well,I have a great girlfriend and a good batch of friends ,but I basically hate myself.I'm getting very close to the point in my life where I must go out into the world but I haven't the slightest of what I want to do.I work as hard as I can in school,but I feel like for what? Really the only solace I get is from music, but even now that is killing me to.I work so hard in band,but I just end up feeling stupid and unaccomplished. People tell me that I do fine in a about everything I do but I don't see how seeing I mortally suck 80 percent of the time.I feel like I'm always gonna be just average no matter how above average I aspire to be.It's not really like my mum and dad care.We don't really talk much anymorenot after me and my dad got into fights a few years ago.It's the same everyday I go home and lock myself in my room and from them and all the yelling and fighting.I've tried to convince myslef to hate them,that maybe that would make everything better cause I wouldn't care about waht they say,but it hasn't. I try to keep these things in from my girlfriend,I've told her enough already and I don't want any of it to jepordize our relationship.I hate doing that to her,she defiantely doesn't deserve that.She has helped me a lot though,but now thr rest is up to me. Up to me,well I don't know about that.I will admit very quickly that everybody else on here has worse problems than me.But if I could just myself,if only that little gear would click inside me,then I would save myself.But it hasn't,I've been waiting for it to click for four years.I only hope that God is putting me through a rough path to show me another road I haven't seen before,I'll keep praying but I can't help but feel despair A good lot of the time

1954830632

My life sucks because ...