744231195

Heh, it's a Friday night and here I am in front of a computer screen. I'm listening to Blue October. Why? We'll get to that later. Ever since I was in school, as each year passed, I asked God if maybe a new girl in school would come along, and she would be the one. I remember falling in love with J. She had a boyfriend though, and was way out of my league. Very pretty, rich. Zero chances for me. I remember she would be the only one of my classmates that wouldn't say happy birthday to me. She knew that I liked her. I guess it was her way of saying "Never". I remember we were sitting together once, just me and her, on some sort of school trip, and another girl was taking pictures, she came over to us, and wanted to take a picture of us. J left the scene immediately saying "No". I remember that vividly. Then came college, finally a chance to forget J. I did. But only to be replaced by someone else. I would be attracted to a few of the girls in college. However, I would have had to go out of my way to meet them, and then everything just gets awkward, at first at least, but they say the first impression is the one that counts. So for a loser like me, I can't make a good impression. I'm very nervous. My heart beats so fast when I'm with a girld that I like. I'm usually very funny, and make jokes and stuff, but I completely freeze with women. So anyways, the years in college passed, hoping that one of the girls that I liked would be in a class that I took. Heh, sure, since pretty girls take a lot of math and computer science courses, right? Anyways, senior year came, I went out of my way to meet another girl that I fell in love with. Her name was S. The day I fell in love with her, I wrote one of the sweetest musical themes(I compose instrumental music btw). She was the first girl I went on a date with. I tried to pursue a relationship with her, but she rejected me. Her favorite band was Blue October. Her rejection made me uninspired to write music for a year. I get so nervous when I see a girl I like. There's this eye doctor who is very cute. She looks like Natalie Portman/Kiera Knightley. The other day I had an appointment. I wanted to know her name, which is N. But the appointment is so short, and she never really talks, and neither do I. I had an appointment after that, and I was going to ask her out for a coffee. I felt my heart was going to shred itself inside-out. I didn't dare. Actually when she asked me questions, I answered so nervously like a dumbass. Oh God. It sucks so bad. The pain. I looked at my zodiac profile the other day. I'm a Virgo, and it said my "life's desire" was to love and be loved back. I guess it's dead-on. But I don't think I'll find her. She isn't real. She doesn't exist. God, why did you create me? I sometimes feel like my purpose in life is to be rejected, and it sucks.

744231195

My life sucks because ...